April 2023
alamore-onward comes to an end on the day of my 20th birthday. I complete the blog as my 80th birthday approaches.
Readers will find a synopsis of my married life at the end of alamore. A marriage that lasted just short of 55 years.
The first few months as a widow passed in a daze.
After what amounted to ten years with one or the other of us very sick, to be by myself was to be able to concentrate on no one but myself. I could get up when I wanted to. I could read in bed at night until I was ready to sleep. I chose what to eat and when. The novelty wore off very quickly.
Thoughts of the past were difficult to shake off. Particularly when there were papers to be sorted through and I discovered old photos with people from Alan’s past that I didn’t recognise and no one to ask about them.
One way around the loneliness was to thoroughly immerse myself in the past and I did that when I discovered the letters we exchanged in 1961. The letters became ‘alamore’. Published week by week over eight months they generated interest from old friends and new friends alike and even from the local TV news station. It caused me to start looking outwards and onwards.
I knew my first challenge was to leave the house as a singleton.
My first social venture was difficult! I arrived late to a local BBQ and headed for the only vacant seats I could see. They were the seats already claimed by the people cooking the food. The group at an adjoining table invited me to join them and moved chairs to make space for me. I was over the first hurdle.
As a couple you have no reason to look outside your joint set interests. As a single person you tend to look further afield.
A new book group was about to start in the village and was advertised in the village magazine. The magazine dropped through my letter box and settled on the mat with the pages fallen open at the advert for the book group. At times like these I believe Alan is watching over me and guiding me.
Old friends got in touch and gave comfort. My circle of friends widened and I began to take an interest in their hobbies and interests.
Five years ago who would have thought my music lessons against which I rebelled when I was 12 years old would be useful to relearn music and play the keyboard.
Who knew that I would go out on a rainy dark evening to listen to choir rehearsals, then use my minimal keyboard skills to encourage practice at home.
Who knew that I would even give a second look to the restoration of a Vulcan bomber!
Who knew that I am now a confident driver after the necessity of refresher lessons when Alan first became ill.
Who knew that I would visit the village where Alan and I spent the first 40 years of our married life and see friends from those years and connect as if those years had never passed.
Who knew that I would relish being part of this Norfolk village and the caring circle of friends I have found here.
Who knew? I believe Alan knew. He was always around to take care of me and I believe he is still doing that.
alamore-onward 